so for about a month or so, my life seemed to move slowly, get frustrating-and nothing i did was exactly helping myself out to be honest. it was a hard time-i was in the vicious cycle of-not doing well and cause of that withdrawing from the world and becasue of that, doing worse, and then withdrawing more.....its a vicious cycle i get in sometimes that even though i know i'm in it and know i shouldn't be and life is better not in it-its a hard cycle to stop. Then, i had something potentially good come up-i was going home for a day or so and then going to the FFI reunion. I should be totally psyched right? Actually, i was kinda scared-cause i was doing as well as I wanted to be, I wasn't trusting God like I knew I should. So I went home, for sure my mom would immediately want to know whats not right with me-she did one better-she didn't ask but a few questions and let me just talk, even if about nothing in particular. Then I went to the reunion-and it was awesome. There-I had people asking what i was doing-and as I started to tell them about being an ARD and RA it started getting me really excited instead of scared to death( part of the frustration with previous month) about this next year. which is perfect timing cause stuff starts next week. so i've come back to school-refreshed, with a better outlook. Now i'm busy preparing for my next month of craziness.

I finished my last day of work in residence life today-and it was a crazy last day let me tell you! i was going non-stop, working on several things at once, dealing with pacifying students who weren't getting what they wanted, doing some MAJOR customer service with a mom and daughter who I spent a half hourgoing round and round talking to(they didn't like something, and i was the one around who got to deal with them/defend it/pacify-you name it i was doing it). umm..it was-fun?? yeah, whatever. But, as I left today realizing it was my last day-I'm gonna miss it. I've enjoyed working there this summer. I enjoyed talking to incoming students who are really excited-I've enjoyed tellling them where there going to live and assuring them they'll be ok-even if their new roommate's myspace page is a little sketchy(according to them at least). It's been an experience dealing with returning students and various issues there. Its been fun listening to melissa's sarcasm and it made my last day seemingly just as it should be when about 4 different people ended up yelling at the copy machine at some point :) anyways, i just realized as i left that i would miss it. But now, i go on to the rest of the year.

you know...i'll be honest i surprise myself sometimes with how quickly i'll change moods.When dealing with friends and people in general-it goes so far with me for someone to just stop their day and take a genuine interest in me, even if for only 10 or 15 minutes. I can be angry with someone or feeling very frustrated towards them-but its crazy how if they just give me a little genuine time, my attitude changes and i dont even realize it. Granted, if its a long-standing frustration, all it will really do is put it off to be ealt with until some other time-and thats when i usually bury stuff until i explode with frustration and anger-but thats a whole other story.

so...no real reason for this, just some thoughts

So yesterday, I witnessed the most beautiful wedding ever. my brother finally got married to an amazing young woman i love. And it really was the most beautifl wedding. The church ws decked out in greenery and flowers-pink of course. stephanie, the bride, looked like cinderella-she's a lover of disney and her dream was a fairytale wedding and i think she got it. It got to be in it-and our dresses were actually pretty :) Oh, and yes, I cried. normally, I'm not thte most emotional-but seeing my brother and stephanie kneeling on abench facing each other 5 feet infront of me and whispering togethor and praying togethor was just too much. the tears started to come. haha and my sister was next to me wiping her eyes too. it was great.

Yeah!! yesterday was a day for good news-the paper I had been complaining about writing? I got an A!! Also, I got an on-campus job for the summer! I'm working in the office of student development for our VP of student activities. It pays for me to live on campus too so i have somewhere to live. This is awesome. i have had no idea what i would do this summer, and i really didn't want to go home-and even if i went home i'd still have to figure out what i'd do for a job. I happened to mention to the right person i was hoping to stay on campus and work this summer, they told me of a job. I had the interview-ok so really, i walked in they asked me if i had worked in an office before, i said no-they(the lady I'd be working for directly and her addministrative assistant) said well, you got through our RA and ARD interview-so we know you're good and I pretty much was handed the job.

Now, i just have to figure out how to get through the next week and a half of finals, my brothers wedding, checking girls out, moving dorms and I'll be good. so I'm slightly sressed and slightly going nuts. God is faithful. I know this-yet I keep forgetting this.

oh yeah, and I should be living with my roommate from last year over the summer.

now the next unknown in my life is who my roommate will be next year. I dont have one and its either going to be a transfer or someone on a waiting list for housing. I know it'll work out, but it would be really nice to room with someone i can connect with. I'm going to be busy and stressed next year, and it would be nice not to have to worry about my roommate and to be able to talk with her, live well with her, be friends, at least to an extent-I dont want to have to be concerned about always being around each other. At this point, I've experienced roommate(s) who i live with but dont talk to, roommates who only exist officially, ones i get along with great and am friends with, ones i love talking to at the end of the day, and ones that are sweet but still very young. I'd really like the kind of roommate I get along with and am friends with-but we have different lives at least somewhat, enjoy, that I can really talk with, someone who can encourage and uplift me and I them. Maybe that's a lot to ask, but honestly it's what i'd like.

paper's done and i turn it in soon....14 pages of writing-fun stuff